Does Money Matter In A Relationship?

Talking about it would almost call into question the love we have for our partner – and would risk making us look like vultures or venal women. 

“A real lack of consideration” 

Yet, money determines (almost) everything in our lives. It would be unrealistic, according to Héloïse Bolle, wealth management advisor and founder of Oseille & compagnie, to think that it doesn’t count. “It will dictate your lifestyle: where you live, whether you can go on vacation, take a break from your job, take a part-time job… It’s very important to have discussions on the subject and regularly put the numbers down.” To get organized, you can schedule regular reviews to take stock of the finances of the joint account (we recommend that you open one: it greatly simplifies money management and promotes transparency) and adjust contributions and expenses if necessary. 

And if money determines lifestyle, it is also indicative of the importance you place on your partner. “This is a pattern that I regularly come across in my work: a husband or partner who does not care about what his partner’s financial situation would be without him. In my opinion, this reflects a real lack of consideration. Even more so if his partner has little or no income,” the expert analyzes. 

Measuring the impact of money on romantic relationships (and vice versa)

Because yes, money matters – even more – when there is an income imbalance within the couple. “At the beginning, you can have two equivalent incomes. Studies show that after the first child, the first inequalities arrive and the gaps begin to widen. Men are promoted and women plateau, or end up in the closet. Often, they work part-time. Their income stagnates or declines. If we do not take the time to regularly reassess each person’s income, the distribution of expenses, as well as the balance between losers and winners, problems will arise. We cannot keep the same organization as when we settled full-time with two equivalent salaries.”

The expert invites us to measure the impact of money on our relationship and to realize that it can be a vector of economic violence. “When there are imbalances or situations that penalize one of the two partners, that this imbalance is imposed – and that said situation leads to impoverishment or significant financial loss, it is called economic violence, which is a form of domestic violence. We must remain vigilant, economic violence affects more than four out of 10 women, and one in four is a victim of it at the hands of their current partner [according to a 2023 Ifop study carried out for the feminist newsletter Les Glorieuses, editor’s note]”, warns Héloïse Bolle. 

While money is essential in a relationship, it is important to remember that it is not the main pillar either. It is a major component, of course, but what matters most is the alignment of values, mutual respect, and the ability to communicate and find compromises. When these elements are present, addressing the financial issue and recognizing its importance becomes easier.