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  • Sexual Wellness

Why Could “Great” Sex With A New Partner Be A Red Flag? The Experts Answer

If you're having the best sex of your life with a new and extremely gifted partner. Congratulations. Quietly inside you might be wondering: "Will the fava bean have some kind of hole?" Listen to that little voice, psychologists warn – your hot lover could actually be a red flag.
Victoria Beckham Published: March 30, 2024 | Updated: March 30, 2024 2 minutes read
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That’s because the dream partner who is so attentive to your needs right now may actually be a raging narcissist who is about to reveal his true colors, the Daily Mail reported.

Because narcissists crave admiration, experts say, sex is one of the things that will tell you a lot about their personality type, and they often end up all too eager to please between the sheets.

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A quick test: Do you command the same loving attention at the breakfast table as you do in bed?

If not, you may have already fallen into the narcissist’s trap, Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and author, told USA Today.

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“Some people will say, ‘This relationship is a nightmare,’ but for sex…. they will say, “Sex is great, but this person is horrible to me, he is cruel and cold, he is contemptuous and he is not compassionate. But it’s very good in bed,” he said.

“That’s why they can be hot and intense one minute and completely indifferent the next, because it’s not about intimacy, it’s about control.”

“They use you when they need something and put you back on the shelf when they’re done.”

In addition, experts warn that a narcissist’s tendency to suddenly change behavior can affect the brain at a cellular level.

When you’re in their world, your brain floods with dopamine and oxytocin, giving you pleasure and a sense of familiarity.

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But when they turn their backs on you emotionally, the brain goes into withdrawal, causing distress and anxiety.

“Narcissists are very sensitive to rewards: They like things that feel good and often don’t think about the consequences. So sex is the ultimate narcissistic ground game.”

Narcissists also like to dominate in the bedroom – for them, sex is power and holding that power over someone else.

But make no mistake, they’re not looking for notes either. Your constructive criticism could end up triggering them, even causing them to blame you for their own shortcomings.

About The Author

Victoria Beckham

Victoria Beckham

OBE, Fashion Designer, Singer, and TV Personality. She was a member of the girl group the Spice Girls, in which she was nicknamed Posh Spice. She is the Editor of Sexual Wellness.

See author's posts

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