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• There is an empty seat and it’s right next to the Prime-Time Emmy Award-winning actor Jon Hamm.
• Every single person exiting the subway car went to your high school and is personally responsible for that time you fell down the stairs at prom.
• Jon Hamm is the love of your life and you can do whatever you want because he will always fight for your honor.
• You just got a haircut and you need to brush by people to get the little trimmed hairs off your face and shirt.
• You are so universally loved that it’s become a burden and you need to generate some hate to balance it out.
• Body odor gives you an adrenaline rush and provides an acceptable, healthy substitute for hard drugs.
• You have never been loved and this is the closest you will ever get to receiving a hug. Also, one of the people is Jon Hamm and can you just imagine what a Hamm hug would be like?
• You are a time-traveller and are seeing a subway for the first time. You are preoccupied with the beauty of this man-made vehicular contraption, and also with the fact that you’re underground and the walls aren’t mud.
You used to date Jon Hamm and he’s exiting the subway car and you need to stride past him, bumping shoulders in a passive-aggressive huff.
• You are a retired football player and you’re feeling nostalgic for running toward people who are rushing at you.
• You are a retired football player and you just want someone to notice you again.
• Your dog ran onto the subway and you must chase after it in a charming and apologetic manner because you are Jon Hamm.
• You are Jon Hamm’s dog and you can do whatever you want because he will always fight for your honor.
• You are an absolutely terrible person with no manners.
• You are Jon Hamm. You won an Emmy. You can do whatever you want.
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